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Germ Warfare and the Five Second Rule Governing Dropped Food

December 11, 2012 1 Comment
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Please share this post to save humanity AND… bacon.

5 Second Rule

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Little known fact:

The “5 Second Rule” is an obscure provision tucked away inside the 1972 Biological Weapons Convention (BWC), which sought to eliminate germ warfare. Losing their lucrative government weaponization and labor contracts, the Germs felt isolated, betrayed and demonized. Facing potential outbreaks in protest, the Humans offered concessions of food-aid in an effort to stabilize future relations. In part, the rule states that all air-dropped food-aid would be left in place for a minimum of 5 seconds; inadvertent drops of less than 5 seconds are off-limits and remain safe for Human consumption.

(Side note: “Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever” is another food-aid initiative stemming from the 1972 BWC.)

Parents were put in charge of enforcing the “5 Second Rule” on behalf of Humanity. While our relationship with the Germs remains complicated, and on occasion virulent, we have honored this accord for 40 years. If you are a parent, or know a parent, the Germs have asked that you please share this post as a reminder that consuming their food-aid threatens to destabilize this fragile relationship.

If we can get 10,000 likes, pins, tweets and shares of this post, the Germs promise to honor the accord for another 40 years. If not, they’ve threatened that “flu season” will be particularly deadly this year and, perhaps more worrisome, Swine Flu will actually affect bacon production – causing massive shortages and price increases.

Share this post to save our BACON!

Filed in: Humor • Tags: ,

About the Author:

L. Scott Harrell is a retired high profile private investigator and online entrepreneur. This is his personal blog and opinions on his travel; they may not reflect those of his sponsors and business partners. Posts may contain strong language and controversy.

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